Hahahaha Omg Reignheart, You almost killed me =)) I can’t breathe.
Tomorrow, shopping for school :—) Dunno where. Pero forsho not only one or two malls yung mapupuntahan namin dahil masyadong mapili si Ate sa bag and sa shoes.
Me and my sister fought, I broke his camera. I’m so sorry, it was an accident. :| Thank God mom will go to Madrigal para ipaayos sa Sony -_-
Ako nga pala si Jellyalien29islove :”>
Here’s to the kids who were never good enough, no matter how hard they’ve tried, no matter how much they’ve achieved, no matter how many times they’ve been looked up to. This is the first time that I blog about it. Not because this is the first time I’ve felt it because God knows, this is a feeling that’s no stranger. This is the first time I’m going to blog about this because today, I realized I was only one in a crowd of hundreds that feel the same dread that I feel every single time. This is the first time I’m going to blog about this because today, I realized I wasn’t alone.
I have to accept that sometime, somehow, somewhere, I’m going to be okay; that I don’t have to be better anymore. I never got the chance to accept it though because I was too busy trying to meet their expectations that only got higher and higher. And like putting the cup on top of a cupboard that a dwarf, such as I, can never reach on her own, I’ve looked for ways to pull myself up instead. I’ve tried all sorts of things; ladders to climb upon, ropes to pull me up, escalators that would temporarily restrain me from thinking too much about it but nothing worked. Every time I’m about to hold and tug at their cup of care and expectations, I, instead of the teacup, shatter into glass pieces that can never be put together. I’m a broken soul. My life revolved around their expectations that I stopped thinking whether my opinion even mattered. It was all about them. My achievements were their disappointments that I questioned even the core of my skills and abilities. My thought of thyself being such a failure rooted from those. I’ll never be able to get over that. If somebody asked me now why I was a pessimist, I would point all my fingers to them. And truth be told, there’s a part of me that hates them for that. A part of me hates them for tearing an innocent part of my soul, causing a deep black hole that continuously swallows every inch and millimeter of my pride and self belief. If there’s one thing I’ll never forget about them, it’s that. But I guess it resulted to a good thing if I, indeed, am now a good thing. My teacher once asked why we remove our medals just as we get off stage when we should be proud of them. I never knew the real answer until now. Maybe I stopped being proud of my achievements when I realized that who they were really for didn’t care. Remind me to say thank you to them for because of them, I stopped believing that I was going to be good enough; that instead of making me feel like I’m the best kid they could have, they made me feel like a commoner even with all those awards on my neck. Remind me to say thank you to them for always putting my feet on the ground and reminding me that what I had was always a step below from another. I know that when they said that, it means I will only have a hundred steps to climb upon and get better, that there was always space for enhancement. But when you’re too busy climbing for somebody else, you tend to get tired too. And when they were watching from above, seeing the little kid climbing the steps higher one by one, they forgot to ask me who I really was in the picture. If I was the kid or the one looking down. Because honestly, I feel like I’m the one looking down. Not because I’m already at the top but because I feel like I’m I’m just looking down on myself and taking pity on that kid who’s trying too hard. They say achievements are for yourself. But why was I doing it for somebody else? But when I finally am good enough for your standards, please be the one to remind me that I’m actually someone’s daughter. For now, let me resort my frustrations to lazy comebacks and senseless, long blog posts.
But someday, I’ll believe in myself. I won’t have to look at you anymore if I receive an award. I won’t have to look for that non existing approval I’ve always wanted to have more than any award I could get. Someday, you’ll be proud of me. If you aren’t, well, okay then. Someday, it won’t matter to me anymore.
NAGMUMURA.
I don’t know kung paano ko ieexplain ‘to. Pero what I only know is nakakaturn off to and that’s fosho.
Paano kapag naririnig ka ng crush mo na nag mumura? Pano kung crush ka rin pala niya? Diba parang nakakawalang galang or nakakawala ng gana? Mawawalan ng interes sayo or what so ever?
Ang hirap niya i-explain pero yes, girls wag kayo mag mura in public places. Nakakawalang dignidad kasi yan. Nakakawalang galang sa mga babae. Babae ka naman pero ganyan ung asal mo.
Parang kailan lang ang liit niya pa, tapos nakita ko ung gif niya kasama ung kapatid niya nun <3 Hihi
10-12 year old kids nowadays are just so great in blogging. Ya know, it’s just so fantastic. Their rants and random thoughts are so cool. I don’t know, I’m just amazed by how this generation runs.
Ang big deal ng lesugas na camera na yan! Digital camera lang ang big deal eh! Akala mo naman siya hindi sinira ung LCD ng dslr ko dati! Buti nga kanya magagawa eh! Ung akin? HA? Di na nga nagawa, ako pa napagalitan.
Nakakainis si Ate, tapos ako pa daw un gkinukunsinti ni mama. Selos ka? Kasi naman napaka sama mong kapatid you know? No one likes you. Dahil jan sa ugali moo.
Been so on with the upcoming school year. Kinda busy buying stuffs for it. & I rarely go blog. I’m into twitter now. @lalalacyee
Okay this sounds crazy but I’ll post something about him.
Yes he’s cute & approachable. Pero ordinary guy lang siya sa school namin, dahil critical minded halos ang Letranites. Nakakausap ko siya, nung hindi pa siya chicser. Well siguro dahil kakasimula palang ng chicser ngayong summer.
Dinadaan daanan namin lang siya sa school. Hindi siya pinagkakaguluhan ng mga babae. Pero masasabi ko talagang nag iba na siya ng ugali. Nakakatext ko ‘to minsan eh. Minsan lang, at di na naulit dahil nakakatamad siya katext -_-
Escort siya ng I-Einstein (section niya last SY) Lumaban siya ng Mr. Ambassador and he won ata, pero placer lang. Pero to think na freshman palang siya, placer agad siya Same goes with Caitlin. She’s the Ms. Ambassadress of HS. Nung bday ni Cait, magkasama sila nung lunch. (pero that was planned)
Cute si Owy, pero the way na mag-act siya nung sumikat siya, nakakapanibago. =) Pero yes, Owy is approachable yun lang ung gusto ko sa attitude niya.
& Guess what I’m dreaming about it every night. Gosh that’s what you call night mare hehez
uh I hate this feeling again. I feel so lonely & shattered. No it’s not emo it’s feelings. Teenage love haaaaaaaay.
My life is full of insecurities, hatreds and shits. I only live once, but who knows? No one. Because there’s this thing called “Dejavu” Omg my post are irrelevant.
Okay going back to my first sentence in my 3rd paragraph, I hate myself. I don’t know myself anymore. Who am I now? I don’t like being the second choice though every time I’m chosen to be the first. But no uhm this time, I’m the second choice :(
Yeah, I just have to admit it. This is reality, not fairy tale. This is my world, I live in it and give fuck to it. Life goes on, haters gon’ hate potatoes gon’ potate but the curve on my lips won’t fade. Bring me down & I’ll put you up and down and down and up.
Everything happens for a reason. Let’s just continue running to this short life and enjoy the ride. Let’s live life to the fullest. This is really who I am, The cheerful, an optimistic and frolicsome teenage girl not the pessimist one.
Think positive, be optimistic and never forget to have curve on your lips. Life’s too short for dramas and shits. Live it to the fullest. Everything is temporary even our problems. Stand up and shine beautiful :)
Yan nalang kaming mag pipinsan. From 20+ to 10 tapos aais na si Kuya Eric dahil 1 month vacation lang siya.
Affected ako sobra. Iniisip ko kasing mag isa nalang ako after 5 years :(
Whatever. Basta ayoko ng arte
Yes. Crao face and whatever I love myself. Love me hate me, I don’t give a shit ya know? I don’t have to be what others wanted me to be, I am me and deal with it.
FAT ME. WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO LOVE ME. HAHA :)
Honestly, We’ve been thinking of Migrating but yes of course, I need to finish my studies. Siguro High school nalang then migrate na for good kasi I feel shattered without my bestcousins mehehe and after 5 years, as I’ve said, loner na kao sa Philippines. Huhu.
I have to sacrifice my happiness in the Philippines to be with my cousins. Forsho I’m going to have a happy life in there.
Why am I even saying this? HAHA! Isn’t this too dramatic? HAHA
Well of course, no one even makes me smile here. Only myself and my friends. But I’m contented. I’m strong, my family are my strength in my every day. ;)
Please bear my grammars. :)
Well, it was quite fun but I’m still adjusting to my new environment. New classmates, new fun and many memories to make sa loob ng 10 months.
Me, Nicole and Diane felt fishes out of water, of course Former Aris are dominant in Darwin. But we’re making friends already para hindi kami gaanong ma-OP. :)
Recess and Lunch (uwian) We were with Forevernine pals, (Descartes sila) We missed each other so much <3 We keep on hugging whenever we see each other.
To be honest, my first day wasn’t fun as I expected it to be. It turned out to have groupings (group of friends) instead of getting to know each other better blah blah whatever. I/We/Former Archi can handle this.
All in all, I feel like this is better. Ung konti lang ung friends para layo sa gulo. Layo sa troubles and hindi kasali sa mga crimes. (CRIMES HAHA!)
Let’s call it a day! :)
Bought bag @Megamall, again. (Pang half day bag) Pamaypay for tomorrow and kapag ppuntang gym (haha lol) lalagyanan ng iPad (AGAIN, pero smart case ung dati eh. ewan ko kung anong tawag dito, basta ung narorotate) ugh and shoes (pang gala) and whatsoever things pa. MEHEHE
Ready for tomorrow. :)
Aaaah Ferrero bakit ang sarap mo huhu :( THANKS ALLEC! Mabaho ka :P Jk HAHAHA WHATEVER LOSER